


A Poem About Ares

by TheBloodyRedBaron15



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen, Humor, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBloodyRedBaron15/pseuds/TheBloodyRedBaron15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever thought in certain situations in Hephaestus' point of view? How he probably despises Ares for stealing his wife? Well this is Ares in the god of the forges' point of view. *Personal Favorite is Chapter 10.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Poem About Ares

Ares you're pathetic,

Unlike Apollo you're not prophetic,

Hermes, without a doubt, is more athletic,

Without Aphrodite you'd be a horrible cosmetic,

At least Hestia is sympathetic,

Good thing you're not diabetic,

Unfortunately you're not very energetic,

And when you deliberately hurt someone, you're not apologetic,

Just like you're children, who are the opposite of hyperkinetic,

King of the sky, somethin' you'll never be, is electromagnetic,

And without further ado, you're pathetic because you're terrible at arithmetic.

God of war,

You're symbol is the boar,

All you can do is ram the door,

Can't count past four!,

And just like Otus and Ephialtes, I'll use to mop the floor!,

You're absolutely obsessed with gore,

All you want is more, more, MORE,

And all you do is roar,

When Percy Jackson beats you at the Californian shore,

SCORE!,

And you swore, while rubbing your ankle; sore,

And you always call for the dance floor, before asking for,

Aphrodite when she shouts "We're done for!"

You get prisoners of war, trapped behind bars,

And every day you crash multiple cars,

You're Roman aspect is Mars,

Be careful!, The son of Poseidon will have you seeing stars,

Do what you do best, lay back and smoke some cigars.

You chant "Fight, Fight, Fight!",

When you can't even do said word right,

And unlike the winged Thanatos, you can't take to flight,

And you might be a good knight if you could cause fright,

You're eyes are like nuclear bombs alight,

An when they ignite,

People's scared faces give you delight,

Tomorrow and tonight,

you will never be polite!

Attack, Attack, Attack,

Until they're blue and black,

Crack,

The sound of the broken bones of Jack,

You have a knack, for your lack,

Of completing a task,

without, THWACK!, WHACK!, SMACK!,

Cut back, can't you hear him yack?,

You're destroying his air sac,

Just wait until the father of Jack Jackson gets to unleash payback.


	2. A Poem About Hera

Hera, Juno, or June,

Take your pick while I impale you with a harpoon,

I'll make sure you die, even if you're immune,

You'll eat a cut-up prune, with a spoon, at noon,

You're stepdaughter is the goddess of the moon,

And you are opportune to hit her with a platoon of raccoons,

or possibly dunk her in a lagoon,

She's more in touch with the wild than Daniel Boone,

You're too snotty to tell you're stepchildren 'Good Afternoon',

Watch as the suppose 'goddess of family' gets hit with karma in the form of a typhoon,

And watch as you are turned from religion, to book, to movie, and to an animated cartoon.

Hera, you're annoying,

When you're destroying Zeus for enjoying,

toying with you,

O Zeu Kai Alloi Theoi!, Zeus is deploying!

You are very mean,

When you clean you can't make the sheen be seen,

And because you are queen,

you are keen on staying lean,

Even in between you're daily dose of caffeine,

From a Chrome black canteen,

Ohmigods, is this routine?!,

I'd rather eat a sardine,

Watching a fifteen year old invent a chicken-nugget smokescreen,*

When you bite someone, they go get a vaccine,

Who cares for 'The Day of Juno' when we have Halloween?,

You're less known than wolverine,

In the myth-o-magic deck you are the only stupid-looking figurine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *(In the "Mark of Athena" Leo states that he should have made a smoke screen to disguise the scent of the Argo 2 so that it wouldn't be a monster beacon)


	3. A Poem About Aphrodite

Aphrodite, you're a whore,

Having a make-out session with a boar,

Apparently goddess of love snores,

love; a very provocative word that you adore,

You were the reason for the Trojan war,

If you were Freyja, you'd probably jump Thor,

I'd love to see you in a boat that uses oars,

I don't want to be married to you anymore,

if you've never heard of a discount store,

You're the only goddess who gets saddle-sore,

And I'm not sorry for standing up for,

what's right Ms. Galore.

You're dating a guy with a crew-cut,

How do you like it when he throws out a cigar butt,

What the hell is 'Tut, Tut!,

You're the only one who uses that, somewhat,

This fan-fic is rated K+ so I can't write about smut,

You don't know the words budget-cut,

Apparently every family jewel is an edible nut,

You honestly deserve a kick in the butt.

The representative of love is the dove,

It is above all of be-love,

It is sort of glove for glove,

I understand the word, sort of,

What you're proud of, I try to get rid of,

Be patient of Hephaestus, and you'll have a mourning dove.


End file.
